Internet, I can’t live without you

Thank you, Internet, for teaching me patience and how to be a better listener through Social Media. Were it not for all the drama and constant complaining on Facebook, I might never have learned that anyone can be a social worker – even me. I can also be a chef, a photographer and a doctor without having to even go to school. Thank you for Google.

Thank you for the friends from my childhood with whom I’d long since lost touch. I’m so glad that most of them are back in my life. As for the others, thank you for the ability to block and ban.

Thanks so much for giving Justine Bateman a new home. In the 80s, I wanted to BE her. Now that she’s back (and batshit crazy), I think I want to be her even more.

I really appreciate having a place where I can mindlessly correct every spelling or grammar mistake from a safe distance. While these people can leave the digital party every bit as easily as they could leave a real life party they are attending with me, they won’t. They never will. Thank you for the captive audience.

When you went mobile, the world rejoiced. Oh! Internet on the go! I will never get lost again as long as I use Google Maps on my iPhone and not the alternative. I will know where my child is at all hours of every single day until he figures it out and leaves his phone at home or turns it off.

Remember that day when you tricked me into believing I’d reached the end of the Internet? We laughed until we cried, didn’t we?

You make people do crazy things, Internet. Sometimes they do illegal things. To your credit, you’re a darn good detective and you sure do help track these miscreants down. Credit goes to them for often being stupid, but to you for allowing them to showcase their stupidity and get caught.

I don’t know where you come from, Internet. I don’t know how you got here. I just know that you changed everything and when you can do that, change the world to the point where it simply can’t go back, that’s something.

Justine bateman 9-20-1987” by Alan LightFlickr. Licensed under CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons.